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If I'm feeling less than knowledgeable before I go to a computer bookstore, I'm dumbstruck—literally—when I walk inside. Do I opt for The Complete Idiot's Guide to WordPerfect? OR WordPerfect for Windows for Dummies?
If I choose one of these, am I admitting that I am, indeed, a dummy? I find myself weighing dummy and idiot in my mind to figure out which I'd rather be. Neither, I decide. But as I reach for the less derogatory 10-Minute Guide to WordPerfect for Windows,
I notice the 1-Minute Reference for WordPerfect 6 for Windows and suddenly I feel like an idiot because I have no idea which of these books to choose.
Why should I buy a reference book that takes 10 times longer to find the solution? Is the solution 10 times better? But what if I buy the idiot's guide and I still don't know the answer? Is there a guide out there for sub-idiots? Do I throw my computer off a cliff to retreat to a cave to write in hieroglyphics? I came to the store to get answers, but all I'm coming up with are more questions.
When I first got a computer, a computer-literate friend recommended DOS for Dummies. Unfortunately, every other dummy in town had the same idea because no copies were to be found. My
remaining options were The Complete Idiot's Pocket Guideto MS-DOS 6.2 and the ominous Voodoo DOS: Tips and Tricks With an Attitude. Choosing a different route, I bought the 21st
Century Dictionary of Computer Terms. I felt smarter almost immediately.
Sticks and Stones MayBreak My Bones…Being called names—dummy, idiot, moron—by computer "help" books does not boost my information-age self-esteem. And for reasons that escape me,
this approach seems limited to the computer field. If I want to learn, say, landscaping or automotive repair, I can buy the "smart guide." So I'm not a Mensa member. Can't computer
book publishers just give me some answers from the comfort of a printed page without attacking my I.Q.?
The use of this ploy to entice technically challenged me to interface with computer knowledge has just the opposite effect. Titles like I Hate Windows and The Complete Guide to Computer
Terms--Cheaper Than Therapy turns me off. If I hate it, why would I buy it? I hate Howard Stern and cottage cheese so I avoid both. And if I were unable to comprehend an idiot's guide, the resulting feelings of inadequacy would cause me to need therapy. (Imagine a spawing of computer pop psychobabble: My
Mother, My Mac, Myself; DOS and Don'ts; Toxic PCs; and The Magic of Getting What You Want…on Windows.)
The list goes on. Modems for Dummies? Ouch. This dummy does a U-turn away from the information highway. I Hate 1-2-3 reminds me of sex with my ex-husband. It's not exactly what I want glaring at me from my bookshelf. If you're having a Mac attac, though you're in luck. Help for that platform appears much kinder with titles like The Macintosh Bible (a religious experience?), The Macintosh Companion,
and Your FirstMac. Either Macs are easier to use or Mac owners are smarter than us clones.
A Guiding Light.
Standing helpless in front of the shelves, I can practically feel my computer system becoming obsolete as I desperately try to decide which stupid help book to buy. And I realize it's only a matter of time before publishers come out with guides to the guides.
I can see the titles now: The Idiot's Guide to the Idiot's Guide for WordPerfect, Word,and Windows; The Unabridged Desk Reference of Reference Guides for PC Fools; CliffNotes for
Morons Who Read Computer Help Books. Before too long, every computer help book on the shelves will be accompanied by another volume or two explaining it.
Oddly enough, only one current title—Joy of Cybersex—needs no clarification.
Copyright Home Office Computing June 1995
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